So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize