my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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