So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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