I CAN MOONWALK!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
