Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
