You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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