From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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