If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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