I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
