He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
