You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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