Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
