i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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