fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't turn off my feet"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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