I just pynch a tree in the face
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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