I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
