sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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