I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
