ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize