Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i believe in u and ur pee
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
