I met the friendliest cop last night
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
