There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
from now on my penis is your penis
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
