He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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