It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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