and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
