We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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