She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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