All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
