I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize