Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
