Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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