i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
