the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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