I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
