Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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