i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this is an emotional support booty call
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
