GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
