He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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