Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dignity is for republicans.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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