I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
