Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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