I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
