I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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