I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
high people should be assigned attendants
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
