I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
