Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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