these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
