Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you remember whose house we're in?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
