his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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