Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
