This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
