i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
