I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
