Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
