need another drink. this is the easiest way
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
