so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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