It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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