Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
