I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
