You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
