and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
