I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
