i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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