i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
