my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are the jesus of drinking
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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