he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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