Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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