You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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