He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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