Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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