WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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