she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
