I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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