I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
