he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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