how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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