his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
