so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
