I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
