I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
