did you get engaged???
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
