Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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