but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
