dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize