she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
