I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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