literally had 100 drinks last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
