Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
