Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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