Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
