I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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