that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize